|
mmalade
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Justin
Gender: Male
Interests: badminton, ultimate frisbee, anime, video games, singing (a cappella)
Expertise: uh... cramming? slacking?
Occupation: Student
Industry: Engineering
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
12/16/2002
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| *sigh* it's always the strangest things that trigger sporadic bouts of introspection/emo-ness.
it's been so long that i feel like i'm probably grasping at nothing more than wisps of memories - faint strands of emotion that seem so positive in retrospect. in all honesty, it was probably never that good at all, but deep down everyone struggles with the desire for acceptance and belonging. i think i miss it, but who really knows? i'm enamored with the concept, but as clueless as ever about it. at this point i think i'd welcome the extra baggage just to bolster my self-esteem and to experience it again. but simply wanting something will never be enough to make it happen. hope can be cruel at times and often misleading. one can't help but wonder where to draw the line - when does patience become futile and active changes become necessary? how much is my fault and where do i go from here (wherever "here" is)?
wasted a night thinking about these things, as the cycle continues. listening to emo-ish songs in my music library (i don't have any REALLY emo songs, i don't think).
| | |
| Lil' Mama is 19 years old!?!?!
Here were the guesses of everyone in the apt:
me - 26
Larry - 22 (he had heard that she was younger than she looks)
Stephen - 32
Jordan - 35
| | |
| Hahaha, I finally paid for a meal for my dad on Father's Day. Felt good. 
| | |
| I don't really know why, but I've totally been addicted to "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles for a long time now. I've always liked the song, but I've been listening to it a LOT lately - maybe I'm just in that reflective, mellow mood?
Anyway, I feel like I'm once again sitting on the cusp of yet another shift in my life. I wouldn't consider this a big shift by any means, but life will definitely be different from here on out. It's a bit strange. Most people go through the most dramatic transition from college to "the real world." But in an odd way my transition has been very much segmented ('gradual' would imply continuity). Every year seems to bring something new and my focus and energy shift drastically between different things. This transition will be about becoming a full-fledged grad student. This past school year was decidedly NOT about school for me.  I still got through my classes (barely), tried my hand at teaching (loved it), and started research (barely), but that's honestly not where the majority of my energy went. Currently I'm just running errands and relaxing for a bit, but I gotta start up again soon. This summer I need to start doing research full-time, which will be an interesting challenge of motivation for me. I also plan on finally quitting my job at Lockheed as soon as I finish my project later this summer. I have to study for my prelim next semester, which will determine whether or not I'll actually be admitted to the PhD program (and how much longer I'll be in Berkeley). On top of that, I have all of my usual side projects that I'd like to get done that may not (getting in shape, arranging, cooking?). Anyway, looking like yet another hectic and busy summer for me, but I guess that's life. Just gotta be thankful for the opportunities I have and keep chugging along.
I also definitely plan on posting a fatty entry later about my experiences in a cappella. I'm supposedly just "taking a break," but you can never really rule out the distinct possibility that I might not be able to get back in to it. It has really shaped me over these last 4 years in ways I never anticipated and brought me through experiences I never could have imagined. I owe a lot to the people I've sung with and learned from and I'd like to acknowledge as much of this as I can pull off the top of my head. It will never fully do justice to my sense of appreciation and gratitude, but I will try my best.
| | |
| Hm... what a bizarre night. Started out good and just got weirder and weirder. Lots to consider and process, but at the very least I think one of the long-standing burning questions on my mind has been answered.
| | |
|
